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Session 2. Extended Family and the Mahalla: Who Is Around the Child
Objective. Map the people who care for a child, ask the family whom to contact and how, and decide what may be shared with whom.
In many classes the adult who collects a child, signs the diary or comes to a meeting is not the parent you expected. Grandparents, uncles, older siblings and neighbours may all share in raising a child, and the mahalla may be part of everyday life. A teacher who asks who is involved reaches the right person sooner and avoids hurt feelings. A teacher who also guards a child's privacy keeps the trust of families. This lesson helps with both.
Key ideas
Many hands raise a child
- Grandparents, uncles, aunts and older siblings often help raise a child. In some families a parent works in another region or country, and a grandparent or other relative takes care of school matters.
- The person who signs the diary, collects the child and helps with homework may not be a parent. Do not assume it is the mother, or the father.
- Ask: 'Who looks after Malika day to day, and whom would you like me to speak to about school?'
Respect, elders and who decides
- In some families an elder or an uncle takes part in decisions about a child; in others the parents decide alone. Do not guess which kind of family you have in front of you.
- Greet everyone who comes, ask how they would like to be addressed, and offer a seat and time to speak to each person.
- If a family asks to bring another relative, or asks to meet alone, say yes when you can. The family knows its own way of deciding.
The mahalla as a partner
- The mahalla is a neighbourhood community with its own committee and volunteers. It often supports families, helps in difficulties and runs events, and some mahallas work with schools on programmes for families and young people.
- Find out who your school's contacts in the local mahalla are, and ask your director how cooperation is organised.
- Not every family has the same ties to the mahalla. A family that has just moved may not know its neighbours, and some families prefer a private life. Ask before you involve the mahalla.
What may I share, and with whom?
- A child's information belongs first to the child's family. Share marks, behaviour, health and family matters only with the people the family names and who need to know.
- Good news is easier to share, but ask first: some families do not want praise discussed in the street either.
- If you are worried about a child's safety, do not wait: follow your school's child-protection rules and tell the director.
Circles around a child
Mapping who is around the child
A simple circle map, with the child in the centre, helps you see the people around them: those who live in the home, those who care day to day, relatives who live nearby or far away, neighbours and mahalla contacts. Draw it with the family's help, not from guesses, and let them correct it. Keep it short: names, roles and the best way to reach each person.
Some circles may be unexpected. A pupil whose parents work in another region or country may be mostly raised by a grandmother. A child in a flat in a new neighbourhood may have an older cousin as the main link. Ask 'Who should I call if there is an urgent problem?' and also 'Is there anyone I should not contact?' Both answers matter.
Sharing information with care
Because everyone in a mahalla may know each other, news travels quickly. That is a strength when good news spreads, and a risk when a child's difficulty becomes street talk. Decide in advance what you share and with whom: the family first, others only when the family agrees or when the child's safety requires it. A polite sentence helps: 'I share a pupil's news with the family first; I am sure you understand.'
Cooperation with the mahalla can be valuable when the family wants it, for example support for a family in need or an evening for parents. Follow your school's agreements with the local mahalla and let your director lead formal links. If a child may be at risk, follow your school's child-protection rules at once; this does not wait for anyone's permission.
Examples from the classroom
The uncle who signs
Scene. Dilnoza teaches Grade 7 in Bukhara. Malika's father asks her to speak with his older brother, who signs the diary. At a short meeting she asks the uncle and the grandmother who collects Malika: 'Who should get the news, and how?' They agree: the uncle gets a short weekly note, the grandmother a phone call on Thursdays. Nobody is left out, and Malika's absences fall because both adults know the plan.
Insight. Asking who receives news, and in what form, lets the right adults take part.
A neighbour asks
Scene. Jasur teaches Grade 5 in Samarkand. A mahalla volunteer stops him in the street and asks about a pupil's marks. Jasur smiles and says: 'I share a pupil's news with the family first.' He then asks the pupil's mother whether she would like the mahalla to help with books for the term. She says yes, and Jasur invites the volunteer to the open evening, where the mother introduces them.
Insight. Protect the child's information first, then involve the community in ways the family chooses.
A new flat, no neighbours
Scene. Malika teaches Grade 3 in Tashkent. Dilnoza's family has just moved, both parents work, and an older cousin collects her. Malika phones the mother at an agreed lunch time and asks how the family would like to stay in touch. The mother mentions that she does not know anyone in the building. With both families' agreement Malika suggests that Dilnoza walk home with a classmate who lives in the same block.
Insight. A teacher can connect families when asked and with consent; ties to neighbours are not the same for every family.
Common pitfalls
- Assuming that the mother, the father or the oldest relative always decides.
- Sending sensitive messages through the child or through a neighbour.
- Talking about a pupil's difficulties in the street, at the gate or in front of other parents.
- Involving the mahalla without asking, when the family may prefer privacy.
Map the Circles of Care
- Read the three pupil profiles in your Activity Kit. They are examples for practice, not typical families.
- Alone (10 min): choose one profile. Draw the child in the centre and the people around in circles: who lives with the child, who cares day to day, who may take decisions (write 'ask'), who in the neighbourhood is part of the child's life.
- In pairs (15 min): write three questions you would ask the family about whom to contact and how. Then fill in the 'Who may I tell what?' grid for your profile: write YES, ASK or NO for each cell.
- As a group (10 min): compare grids and agree three sharing rules you will use in your own class, including what you will say to a well-meaning neighbour who asks about a pupil.
Your facilitator will guide you through this activity in the session.
Questions to discuss
- Who did you not expect to find in the circles, and how would you have found out about them?
- Which cells in the grid were hardest to decide, and why?
- What will you say the next time a neighbour or colleague asks about a pupil's marks?
Reflect
- Who actually collects, signs and helps at home for each child in your class? Do you know?
- When did you last share a pupil's information with someone without first asking the family?
- How could the local mahalla help your class, and what would you need to ask first?
Try it tomorrow
- Draw a circle map for two pupils with the family's help and check the names and roles with them.
- In your next conversation ask: 'Who should I call first, and is there anyone I should not contact?'
- Agree on one polite sentence for neighbours who ask about a pupil, and share it with your colleagues.
Further reading and links
Ask who cares for the child and whom to contact; share a child's information with the family's knowledge and only with those who need it.